Mintimidation

Mintimidation: {n} The art of scaring the crap out of another clergy colleague by telling him or her how cool your ministry is and how God's Spirit is totally on the move within it.

I went to a wedding this weekend and was having a great time. There were a number of people from seminary that I hadn't seen in a year or two and I was enjoying catching up. Then I heard how well their cool new joint ministry is going and how they are moving forward at light speed. After one year they have mobilized the laity and are gearing up for a new church start. Meanwhile, after one year, I know the names of most of the people in my congregation and I can find my way to all of the bathrooms in the building without getting lost. I was . . . . well . . . how do I say this . . . I was intimidated. I was so happy to her that things are going well, but at the same time I felt inadequate my own lack of apparent progress. It was a challenge to engage my friends in a meaningful way in the face of the successes that they were experiencing.

I want to have ministries as cool as those that my friends are working in. I want to be faithful to what God is calling me to do in the midst of the congregation in which I find myself. I want to help God transform individuals into disciples, but I struggle with the how of making this happen. The biggest problem that I'm facing right now is being a prisoner of my own experience. I have considerable insight on how I started the road to discipleship, but not a clue about the paths of others. I struggle to see the world from their perspective. I know there are different ways to make sense of the world around me, but it so hard for me to understand them. So, I am even more intimidated by those who can step out of their own skins and walk around in the paths of others. I believe it's a true spiritual gift and one that I do not possess in any great quantity.

So, the question I face is, "What am I going to do differently this year that helps me embrace these areas of need within myself??" Not only do I seek to see through different lens, but I also seek the wisdom to know that I do good work, too, and I can be proud of what we've accomplished in the last year. These are good lessons to learn early in ministry . . .

Personal Touch

This week in the lectionary we are dealing with the story Jesus and the woman who had a history of bleeding. We do not know her by name but we know that simply by having faith and touching Jesus, she was healed of her hemorrhaging. I think we all intuitively know the value of touch and its lingering effects even after the handshake or hug is long over. As I write this, I am sitting in my office awaiting feedback on my annual pastor's evaluation. I find this process particularly challenging for a number of reasons. I have some lingering history with this process from a previous parish, it requires me to do a whole lot of soul searching, and most difficult of all, it can kick you right in the ego if you're not looking for it. I really wish I could be in the room during the discussion. Even though I know that isn't practical for me to be there, I want to be in contact with those who are discussing my performance. I want to be able to touch them. Not to put undue pressure on them, but to reassure them that I want to be in community regardless of whether I'm their hero or their goat. (I now know how Charlie Brown felt when he came up to the plate in the bottom of the 9^th inning, behind by one run, with the bases loaded . . .) Touch is that important to me, because the ministry here at Richardson Park is about what God is doing in our midst, not what I am doing. It's Jesus' touch that changes heart, minds, and lives, not my touch. And praise God for it! It allows me to continue to be human without having to be more than I am because it's God who is the great I AM. I want to touch others so they can feel God's touch through me. So, as I leave you to ponder this cryptic post, who have you touched today?

The Methodist behind the Madness

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth... Then on the 9^th day God created the Blog, which probably came right after the duck-billed platypus. (Which in turn goes to show that God does have a sense of humor. . .) God and I have been wrestling quite a bit as of late on a number of different levels and over a multitude of different topics. (The closer I get to God the more we seem to fight about things. I'm hesitant to characterize it in terms of marriage for fear of my own wife. But those of you with significant others have an understanding of what I'm speaking.) One of the things in contention is this very blog that you are now reading. I have tried in the past to blog and fallen miserably short of even giving it a decent try. My lack of time, lousy typing capabilities, and the painfully slow process with which I write (What you've read so far has taken the better part of an hour.) has deprived me of the joy that comes from freely expressing oneself. What I was really waiting for was video blogging to become more mainstream before taking the plunge. Then I could just talk at the camera for 15 minutes upload the product to You Tube and be happy as a clam. However, I do love the beauty of the written word and I do not own a camera that I can hook up to my computer. (Plus, video blogs are even more boring than written ones . . . heaven forbid, and then there's the fact that Tracy guilted me into it.) I just can't win.

The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

-Robert Burns

Annual Conference 2009 and beyond

Annual Conference always gets me thinking, and this year is no exception. It's gotten me thinking about the role of the local church. Specifically, where does the local church (aka Richardson Park UMC) fit in the midst of the global monstrosity that is the United Methodist Church, and how do I help to connect the local church to what God is doing in the community and in the world? These questions are "big picture" questions which have answers that may or may not be related. So as I type these words, I am wrestling with God to try and determine the "big picture" answers. It is leading me to a better understanding of where we are going as a local congregation, and I certainly need to start working on one. As Bishop Sudarshana Devadhar talked about in his sermon from the Annual Conference's Ordination Service on Saturday night, you can't really know how to get from Point A to Point B if you have absolutely no idea what Point B actually looks like. My problem is that I believe Point B is so totally different from what I have experienced church to be (otherwise known as Point A) that I can't even imagine it right now. It feels like it's going to be a long summer of praying and dreaming. (Which is really pretty cool when you stop and think about it for a moment) I'll keep you all posted.

Jennifer's comment:

Of course the name doesn't need to be changed. Simply asking rhe question is one of the greatest affirmations of faith that exists! For me the question where is God in this? is an invitation to slow down and look more carefully. It's like when I'm hiking in the woods with the kids, slowing down to be more open to what is around me, searching the shadows of the underbrush to catch a glimpse of one of God's special gifts. Asking the question is the reminder that God is present, and if present then active and that means hooray, I'm not lost or forgotten or abandoned, just perhaps looking in the wrong direction or following the wrong signs. Peace out.

Tracy's response - I did think of a cool name though - God mother, Jesus Rocks, and the Holy Spirit is Fired Up

Change the name?

Do we need to change the name? I am open to suggestions. I chose it because sometimes I must sit back and reflect how God is working in different situations.

Today I was reminded of the scene in the movie Bull Durham where several members of the team walked up to the pitching mound and were holding up the game. They weren't playing well because they were worried about getting wedding gifts, a father who was in attendance, and a cursed glove. Finally, the assitant coach walks up to the mound and asks what was going on. After explaining the situation, Crash concludes with, "We're dealing with a lot of crap." (He uses a different word, but I'll be nice).

For some reason, that is how I felt today. I was looking up at the heavens and saying, "Help us Lord, we are dealing with a lot of crap down here."

These are my theological musings so I hope someone else posts on this page... Tracy

Conference

I am dreading conference because I must finally face the fact that I am not going to be ordained this year. All of my hopes must be put on hold, and I have to face the challange of BOOM next year. What is the most difficult is how public it all is. I failed, and everyone knows it.

But I realize that God is walking on this journey with me. At times, I question God and God's call on my life, but I know that whatever comes from this can be used to help me grow into a better minister.

Rallph Waldo Eemerson once wrote, "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." I can not follow the path that others do, so I could stand here and wait or I can start traveling again and let God forge the way.